A USA-based mother trusts her own instincts about her son, and feels swept away by her own feelings.
Transcript
I am a mother. I know my instincts are right.
I know my son.
I know he’s being harmed by the insidious, manipulative lies that have led him to exorcise himself with drugs while he is cheered. This is pure evil, and I have felt powerless to stop it. I am just one person who has been bullied into such turmoil, that continuing to live feels like subjecting myself to endless torture. The loss of my son is unimaginable.
There are many days I feel strong and feisty, and I’m determined to fight to bring my son back. It is a deep rage that I want to act on. But fear quickly paralyses me. What actions do I take? Will it push my son further away? Will I cause him harm? Will I suffer from regret?
This is eating away at me. And at times I have to check my sanity.
As a mother, I’ve always felt free to advocate for my children. I am so angry that after growing, birthing, nurturing and loving my son I am being told that all of my instincts are wrong. That I have a daughter that I need to accept and celebrate. This is terribly, terribly wrong. I want to take action, but it all feels futile. Crying in defeat seems like my only option. I know this is maladaptive. I have no peace.
1000s of mothers are experiencing the same turmoil. The suffering I have seen in my support groups is hard to witness. We need help. We are essentially being forced to sacrifice our children which goes against our very essence as mothers. We instinctively want to fight but the force against us is too big.
So we get swept away – by our own grief.