A mother of a trans-identified teen in the USA remembers her own desires to lead a new life, but that this was a result of wanting to escape herself, not her life.
This originally appeared as a PITT essay.
Transcript
I’m a parent of a trans-identifying teen.
I know a lot about this subject and why a child would come to the conclusion that they are trans. When I was a young girl, I wanted to change my identity many times. I daydreamed about having different parents, different siblings and looking completely different. I also dreamed about being popular and hanging out with the rich and cool kids. In fact, I journaled it. I wrote about my new name, as well as the names of my new family. I wrote many stories and fantasised about this new family and friends.
If someone said, Take this pill, and you could have this new life, I would have happily done that. Would I have really left my family to have these things? And would this have really brought me happiness? I don’t see how promising vulnerable young children and teens a new body will make them happier. It certainly can’t possibly be healthier to take hormones and have body altering surgeries. But that is exactly what is happening and encouraged with the transgender ideology today.
It’s not that there was anything wrong with my family, but the grass always seems greener on the other side, especially when you are young. I wasn’t trying to escape my family. I just was trying to escape myself. Because I was unhappy and lonely. I was socially awkward, self-conscious, and only had a few friends. But as I grew up, along with maturity came competence and acceptance. Having a little discomfort is not a bad thing. It builds resilience and character.
When I had my son, I wanted so much for him to never feel this way. I worked on his social skills and he was very social and happy. But something happened when he went through puberty. He became self-conscious and awkward. In today’s society, when kids look online, they are told that if they’re uncomfortable, they must be trans. So when my son looked online, he too came to this conclusion. My son was looking for a reason why he did not fit in. Trans seemed to be the answer.
Sadly, and much to my dismay, all the adults in his life, except his parents, affirmed his self-diagnosis. Kids who conclude out of the blue that they are trans have no proof that they will feel this way forever. Does an identity, which can change, of a developing young person need to be medicalized? It might be an act of rebellion or internalised homophobia, or an attempt to be different in order to fit in. There’s a lot of evidence that this is indeed the case. These kids who feel trans are often the ones who get bullied at school. They are the nerds, the gay kids, autistic kids and even the smart ones.
Children are seen being influenced and groomed to transition in droves. It’s no surprise that like most teen identities, when kids grow up and mature, they reassess. Just like I did when I realised I did not actually want to be a different person with a new family. It would have been disastrous for me if I had been encouraged and enabled to actually make this happen. Adolescence is a time of exploration and identity formation. Teens will always try on new identities for size, mix with the wrong crowd and learn from it and rebel against their parents.
Children need the space to grow and mature into their healthy bodies and to move into adulthood with healthy bodies and minds.