A mother in Colorado describes how her son’s difficulties were made worse by clinicians agreeing with his self-diagnosis. This first appeared as a PITT essay.
Transcript
I’m a mother in Denver, Colorado.
My son was a happy go lucky kid in every way until high school, then suddenly he became self-conscious and insecure about himself and started discussing this with a friend who felt the same way. They both decided together that being trans was the answer.
When I found out how he was feeling, I strongly suspected my son was questioning his gender because he’s on the autism spectrum and has ADHD. So, at his paediatrician suggestion, we took our son to a gender doctor, thinking a specialist would know how to handle the situation. But sadly, we were very mistaken. The gender doctor, instead of probing and assessing my son, doubled down on my son’s insecurities. He validated my son’s unhealthy distressing thoughts and reinforced the idea that my son would commit suicide if we did not support this trans identity.
To me, this felt like emotional blackmail.
After the session with the gender doctor, my son’s mental health declined enormously. He started having gender dysphoria and depression, which he had never had before. It seemed that the illness was caused by the medical examination or treatment. It’s very clear to me if the gender doctor, instead of affirming, had said that feelings of body discomfort and insecurity are common in adolescence, and you’ll grow more comfortable in your body, everything would be different.
Although I am inclined to trust medical professionals, my gut knew that something was off with the gender doctors affirmation approach to my son’s gender confusion. I knew my son and I had observed him changing his identity numerous times throughout his short life. How would the doctor know more about my son after speaking to him for 30 minutes? It’s not like teens never make up stories to get what they want. Somehow medical treatment based on a vague and nebulous feeling is accepted, and even mandated in the field of gender.
My husband and I now had to decide how to walk back the gender doctors trans reinforcement. This doctor harmed my son with words that took my breath away. And these words had tremendous weight with my son. It’s been very difficult to overcome what the so-called experts said, but we are improving our relationship with our son so he knows we love him, and we care about his future. On the other hand, my son’s friend, the one who developed his trans identity at the same time as my son, is now on hormones. Unlike me, his parents believe their doctor unquestioningly. He is now on a path to be a medical patient for life. And there is mounting evidence that his mental health, as well as his physical health, will suffer due to this path he, his parents and the doctors have chosen for him.
We are giving our son the space to grow up and accept his healthy, natural body the way it is – without medical intervention. My son is no longer gender dysphoric or depressed and is happy and making goals for himself. Although he still sees himself as trans and wants to be in the LGBT community, we feel secure in the knowledge that we are doing the right thing.